[1ST KILLING NIGHT]

[suppressthedark]

[So. After he'd finished talking with Akira, Ichigo'd volunteered to stay and watch Dazai, to make sure he'd be fine and also occasionally towel down some of his sweat as he keeps going through his detox. Halfway through, he went down to get some broth and some food for himself (as shitty as it was), and generally lost all sense of time - to the point that when the killing night was announced (through the tablets, obviously) that Ichigo tried to leave the room - only to find that the raccoons wouldn't let him. It was 'lovey-dovey date night', after all, so no one could be wandering around alone!

Welp.


Guess he's stuck here for the night.

As he sighs and takes his seat back near Dazai's bed, he does notice it's been about the normal period that valium starts wearing off, assuming that wasn't a large dose of it. So-]

Hey. How're you feeling?

[-Guess it's going to be a long night.]

Comments

[cw_suicide]

[well, he's been noticing the creeping return of anxiety and muscle spasms, but they're actually not as bad as they had been, having gone through the worst of it before taking the valium. still grossly unpleasant and Dazai's half-tempted to whine for more of the drug, damn his addictive personality!, but just mostly is sulking sickly curled up under his blankets.

which he peers out from blearily.]

Gross.

[sounds gross, too, since his throat is dry and his mouth tastes like bile.]

So apparently my journal notifs got turned off?? dw wtf

[suppressthedark]

You sound like it. Want any water?

[Just because he can't get out of the room doesn't mean he hasn't already swiped a glass or two from the kitchen for his personal use, okay. Sometimes you get thirsty in the middle of the night.]

IT OK <3

[cw_suicide]

[nnnnngggh ok but you should really have just left him? alone?]

... water would be good.

[because if he has to live, then he needs this taste out of his mouth.]

[suppressthedark]

[Yeah no, that'd never happen. Ichigo nods, heading over to Dazai's bathroom for a second to get some water. It's not ice-cold, but it's cold enough to wash his mouth out.]

Can you sit up, or do you need my help?

[He did have to manually tilt you up to take the valium, after all.]

[cw_suicide]

[pushing self into sitting up--or at least like... sliding himself up into a slouching sitting thing. it clearly takes effort, arms shaky.]

It's fine.

[suppressthedark]

[You try, Dazai. You try.

Ichigo holds out the glass, keeping a hand on it if Dazai takes it so he doesn't spill it all over himself.]

[cw_suicide]

[HE TRIES SO HARD.

and he hates that his limbs are so shaky but drinking that water like its booze because so damn thirsty.]

[suppressthedark]

[There you go, get that water in you. Once it's all gone -]

You want any more?

[Dazai was guzzling it down like a fish, so..]

[cw_suicide]

[whine. why not alcohol tho.]

Should be no feasts after famines...

[like. he'd probably throw up if he drank or ate too much.]

[suppressthedark]

Just thought I'd ask.

[It is good advice, though - and he takes the glass back, setting it down on a nearby table.]

Looks like you're stuck with me through the night, Dazai.

[cw_suicide]

[bleary squinting at Ichigo and then the door. h-hmmm...]

Ah, is that so... isn't it more like you're stuck with me, though? Since Ichigo-kun isn't the troublesome one.

[suppressthedark]

[He huffs.]

A sick person isn't troublesome - it's natural to want to help them out.

[cw_suicide]

A person who's sick due to their own self-destructive behaviors is entirely different...

[suppressthedark]

Maybe, but you can make up for it by learning how to live without those behaviors.

[Hint hint GIVE UP THE BOOZE, DAZAI]

[cw_suicide]

That's impossible.

[nope.]

[suppressthedark]

[Worth a shot!]

It's only impossible if you think it is, you know. I'm sure you could actually learn to live without drinking.

[cw_suicide]

I've done it. It's not good for me.

[being sober is terrifying u don't understand, Ichigo-kun.]

[suppressthedark]

[Suck it up, you big baby. Or you're going to die of liver failure long before you get to have your painless suicide with a lovely woman.]

Right, and I'm sure it's great for your liver.

[cw_suicide]

[WE KNOW HOW LIKELY THE LATTER IS SO THE FORMER IS INSURANCE.]

Eh. Who needs livers.

[suppressthedark]

Humans do.

[Said entirely flatly.]

...Man, you sure do live up to your name.

[cw_suicide]

My name is my own. I don't know any other with this name.

[and it wigs him out that others seem to know and have some idea of his stuff but fuck letting onto that like ever.]

[suppressthedark]

Geez, sorry. Just - You've kind of got the same outlook he did. The Dazai Osamu I learned about in class, I mean.

[cw_suicide]

Considering he wrote a book with the same title as my ability... makes sense.

[suppressthedark]

It was a pretty depressing one, from what I remember. Ended with the main character becoming an alcoholic and a morphine addict.

[cw_suicide]

Then, rather than depressing, it's realistic.

[suppressthedark]

It can be both.

[Sadly.]

...even going through withdrawal won't change your mind, huh?

[cw_suicide]

... Ichigo-kun, how frequently do you ponder over the words you use?

[suppressthedark]

[Just.

Blinks.]

What do you mean?

[cw_suicide]

I mean, have you ever considered how certain words have certain meanings and connotations to them and so using one particular word in a particular situation would mean one thing, but using it in another situation would mean something entirely different?

And the same thing with the people you speak to. Depending on who you're speaking with, certain words carry certain weight while with others, they mean nothing but air.

So when you string together words in a sentence, do you consider the different angles in which something you say can and will be interpreted by the people around you?

[suppressthedark]

[Yeah, he's -

getting the gist of what Dazai's aiming at here, and he at least has the good grace to look apologetic.]

....You could've just said that I put my foot in my mouth, you know.

[Because really, that was the most wordy way possible to put it.]

Sorry. That was pretty tactless of me.

[cw_suicide]

[... blinks.]

Well, that's one way to take what I'm saying.

I was going to say: alcohol helps me not think about every word.

[suppressthedark]

[....

Aaand now he just feels dumb.]

Ah...I see.

[He scratches at the back of his head, looking away.]

...And I get it now, but...what about the people who'll miss you when you're gone? I don't think anyone'd be happy with you drinking yourself into your grave.